Stories and Anecdotes About Abraham Lincoln

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LINCOLN'S YARNS AND STORIES

A Complete Collection of the Funny and Witty Anecdotes that made Abraham Lincoln Famous as America's Greatest Story Teller

With Introduction and Anecdotes

By Alexander K. McClure

Table of Contents

  LINCOLN'S YARNS AND
  ABRAHAM LINCOLN,
  BY COLONEL ALEXANDER K.
  LINCOLN'S NAME AROUSES AN AUDIENCE, BY DR. NEWMAN HALL,
  REVERE WASHINGTON AND LOVE LINCOLN, REV. DR. THEODORE L. CUYLER
  GREATEST CHARACTER SINCE CHRIST BY JOHN HAY,
  STORIES INFORM THE COMMON PEOPLE, BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW,
  HUMOR A PASSPORT TO THE HEART BY GEO. S. BOUTWELL,
  DROLL, ORIGINAL AND APPROPRIATE. BY ELIHU B. WASHBURNE,
  LINCOLN'S HUMOR A SPARKLING SPRING, BY DAVID R. LOCKE (PETROLEUM V
  LIKE AESOP'S FABLES, BY HUGH
  FULL OF FUN, BY GENERAL JAMES B. FRY,
  INEXHAUSTIBLE FUND OF STORIES, BY LAWRENCE WELDON,
  CHAMPION STORY-TELLER, BY BEN. PERLEY POORE,
  LINCOLN CHRONOLOGY
  LINCOLN AND
  "ABE" LINCOLN'S YARNS AND STORIES
  LINCOLN ASKED TO BE SHOT
  TIME LOST DIDN'T COUNT
  NO VICES, NO VIRTUES
  LINCOLN'S DUES
  "DONE WITH THE BIBLE
  HIS KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN NATURE
  A MISCHIEVOUS OX
  THE PRESIDENTIAL "CHIN-FLY
  'SQUIRE BAGLY'S PRECEDENT
  HE'D NEED HIS GUN
  KEPT UP THE ARGUMENT
  EQUINE INGRATITUDE
  'TWAS "MOVING DAY
  "ABE'S" HAIR NEEDED COMBING
  WOULD "TAKE TO THE WOODS
  LINCOLN CARRIED HER TRUNK
  BOAT HAD TO STOP
  MCCLELLAN'S "SPECIAL TALENT
  HOW "JAKE" GOT AWAY
  MORE LIGHT AND LESS NOISE
  ONE BULLET AND A HATFUL
  LINCOLN'S STORY TO PEACE COMMISSIONERS
  "ABE" GOT THE WORST OF IT
  IT DEPENDED UPON HIS CONDITION
  "GOT DOWN TO THE RAISINS
  "HONEST ABE" SWALLOWS HIS ENEMIES
  SAVING HIS WIND
  RIGHT FOR, ONCE, ANYHOW
  "PITY THE POOR ORPHAN
  A LOW-DOWN TRICK
  END FOR END
  LET SIX SKUNKS GO
  HOW HE GOT BLACKSTONE
  A JOB FOR THE NEW CABINETMAKER
  "I CAN STAND IT IF THEY CAN
  LINCOLN MISTAKEN FOR ONCE
  FORGOT EVERYTHING HE KNEW
  HE LOVED A GOOD STORY
  HEELS RAN AWAY WITH THEM
  WANTED TO BURN HIM DOWN TO THE STUMP
  HAD A "KICK" COMING
  THE CASE OF BETSY ANN DOUGHERTY
  "A. LINCOLN
  HAD TO WEAR A WOODEN SWORD
  "ABE" STIRRING THE "BLACK" COALS
  GETTING RID OF AN ELEPHANT
  GROTESQUE, YET FRIGHTFUL
  "ABE" WAS NO DUDE
  CHARACTERISTIC OF LINCOLN
  "PLOUGH ALL 'ROUND HIM
  "I'VE LOST MY APPLE
  LOST HIS CERTIFICATE OF CHARACTER
  NOTE PRESENTED FOR PAYMENT
  MR. SOUTH TO MR. NORTH
  DOG WAS A "LEETLE BIT AHEAD
  "ABE'S" FIGHT WITH NEGROES
  NOISE LIKE A TURNIP
  WARDING OFF GOD'S VENGEANCE
  JEFF DAVIS AND CHARLES THE FIRST
  LOVED SOLDIERS' HUMOR
  BAD TIME FOR A BARBECUE
  HE'D SEE IT AGAIN
  CALL ANOTHER WITNESS
  A CONTEST WITH LITTLE "TAD
  REMINDED HIM OF "A LITTLE STORY
  "FETCHED SEVERAL SHORT ONES
  LINCOLN LUGS THE OLD MAN
  MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT, ANYWAY
  VICIOUS OXEN HAVE SHORT HORNS
  LINCOLN'S NAME FOR "WEEPING WATER
  PETER CARTWRIGHT'S DESCRIPTION OF LINCOLN
  NO DEATHS IN HIS HOUSE
  PAINTED HIS PRINCIPLES
  DIGNIFYING THE STATUTE
  LINCOLN CAMPAIGN MOTTOES
  GIVING AWAY THE CASE
  POSING WITH A BROOMSTICK
  "BOTH LENGTH AND BREADTH
  "ABE" RECITES A SONG
  "MANAGE TO KEEP HOUSE
  GRANT "TUMBLED" RIGHT AWAY
  "DON'T KILL HIM WITH YOUR FIST
  COULD BE ARBITRARY
  A GENERAL BUSTIFICATION
  MAKING QUARTERMASTERS
  NO POSTMASTERS IN HIS POCKET
  HE "SKEWED" THE LINE
  "WHEREAS," HE STOLE NOTHING
  NOT LIKE THE POPE'S BULL
  DARNED UNCOMFORTABLE SITTING
  "WHAT'S-HIS-NAME" GOT THERE
  A REALLY GREAT GENERAL
  "SHRUNK UP NORTH
  LINCOLN ADOPTED THE SUGGESTION
  SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
  TOO MANY PIGS FOR THE TEATS
  GREELEY CARRIES LINCOLN TO THE LUNATIC ASYLUM
  THE LAST TIME HE SAW DOUGLAS
  HURT HIS LEGS LESS
  A LITTLE SHY OR GRAMMAR
  HIS FIRST SATIRICAL WRITING
  "THE CHRONICLES OF REUBEN
  LIKELY TO DO IT
  "THE ENEMY ARE
  "AND--HERE I
  SAFE AS LONG AS THEY WERE GOOD
  "SMELT NO ROYALTY IN OUR CARRIAGE
  HELL A MILE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
  HIS "GLASS
  LEAVE HIM KICKING
  "WHO COMMENCED THIS
  "ABE'S" LITTLE JOKE
  WHAT SUMMER THOUGHT
  A USELESS DOG
  ORIGIN OF THE "INFLUENCE" STORY
  FELT SORRY FOR BOTH
  WHERE DID IT COME
  "LONG ABE" FOUR YEARS LONGER
  "ALL SICKER'N YOUR MAN
  EASIER TO EMPTY THE POTOMAC
  HE WANTED A STEADY HAND
  LINCOLN SAW STANTON ABOUT IT
  MRS. LINCOLN'S SURPRISE
  MENACE TO THE GOVERNMENT
  TROOPS COULDN'T FLY OVER IT
  PAT WAS "FORNINST THE GOVERNMENT
  "CAN'T SPARE THIS MAN
  HIS TEETH CHATTERED
  "AARON GOT HIS COMMISSION
  LINCOLN AND THE MINISTERS
  HARDTACK BETTER THAN GENERALS
  GOT THE PREACHER
  BIG JOKE ON HALLECK
  STORIES BETTER THAN DOCTORS
  SHORT, BUT EXCITING
  MR. BULL DIDN'T GET HIS COTTON
  MR. LINCOLN
  STICK TO AMERICAN PRINCIPLES
  USED "RUDE TACT
  "ABE" ON A WOODPILE
  TAKING DOWN A DANDY
  WHEN OLD ABE GOT MAD
  WANTED TO "BORROW" THE ARMY
  YOUNG "SUCKER" VISITORS
  "AND YOU DON'T WEAR HOOPSKIRTS
  LIEUTENANT TAD LINCOLN'S SENTINELS
  DOUGLAS HELD LINCOLN'S HAT
  THE DEAD MAN SPOKE
  MILITARY SNAILS NOT SPEEDY
  OUTRAN THE JACK-RABBIT
  "FOOLING" THE PEOPLE
  "ABE, YOU CAN'T PLAY THAT ON ME
  HIS "BROAD" STORIES
  SORRY FOR THE HORSES
  MILD REBUKE TO A DOCTOR
  COLD MOLASSES WAS SWIFTER
  LINCOLN CALLS MEDILL A COWARD
  THEY DIDN'T BUILD IT
  STANTON'S ABUSE OF LINCOLN
  THE NEGRO AND THE CROCODILE
  LINCOLN WAS READY TO FIGHT
  IT WAS UP-HILL WORK
  LEE'S SLIM ANIMAL
  "MRS. NORTH AND HER ATTORNEY
  MRS. NORTH
  SATISFACTION TO THE SOUL
  WITHDREW THE COLT
  "TAD" GOT HIS DOLLAR
  TELLS AN EDITOR ABOUT NASBY
  LONG AND SHORT OF IT
  MORE PEGS THAN HOLES
  "WEBSTER COULDN'T HAVE DONE MORE
  LINCOLN MET CLAY
  REMINDED "ABE" OF A LITTLE JOKE
  HIS DIGNITY SAVED HIM
  THE MAN HE WAS LOOKING
  HIS CABINET CHANCES POOR
  THE GENERAL WAS "HEADED
  SUGAR-COATED
  COULD MAKE "RABBIT-TRACKS
  LINCOLN PROTECTED CURRENCY ISSUES
  LINCOLN'S APOLOGY TO GRANT
  LINCOLN SAID "BY JING
  IT TICKLED THE LITTLE WOMAN
  "SHALL ALL FALL TOGETHER
  DEAD DOG NO CURE
  "THOROUGH" IS A GOOD WORD
  THE CABINET WAS A-SETTIN'
  A BULLET THROUGH HIS HAT
  NO KIND TO GET TO HEAVEN ON
  THE ONLY REAL PEACEMAKER
  THE APPLE WOMAN'S PASS
  SPLIT RAILS BY THE YARD
  THE QUESTION OF LEGS
  TOO MANY WIDOWS ALREADY
  GOD NEEDED THAT CHURCH
  THE MAN DOWN SOUTH
  COULDN'T LET GO THE HOG
  THE CABINET LINCOLN WANTED
  READY FOR "BUTCHER-DAY
  "THE BAD BIRD AND THE MUDSILL
  GAVE THE SOLDIER HIS FISH
  A PECULIAR LAWYER
  IF THEY'D ONLY "SKIP
  FATHER OF THE "GREENBACK
  "'A. LINCOLN
  MAJOR ANDERSON'S BAD MEMORY
  NO VANDERBILT
  SQUASHED A BRUTAL LIE
  "ONE WAR AT A TIME
  PRESIDENT LINCOLN'S LAST PUBLIC ADDRESS
  NO OTHERS LIKE THEM
  CASH WAS AT HAND
  WELCOMED THE LITTLE GIRLS
  "DON'T SWAP
  JOHN BULL
  BROTHER JONATHAN
  MOST VALUABLE POLITICAL ATTRIBUTE
  "ABE" RESENTED THE INSULT
  ONE MAN ISN'T MISSED
  "STRETCHED THE FACTS
  IT LENGTHENED THE WAR
  HIS THEORY OF THE REBELLION
  RAN AWAY WHEN VICTORIOUS
  WANTED STANTON SPANKED
  STANTON WAS OUT OF TOWN
  IDENTIFIED THE COLORED MAN
  OFFICE SEEKERS WORSE THAN WAR
  HE "SET 'EM UP
  WASN'T STANTON'S SAY
  "JEFFY" THREW UP THE SPONGE
  DIDN'T KNOW GRANT'S PREFERENCE
  NO FALSE PRIDE IN LINCOLN
  EXTRA MEMBER OF THE CABINET
  HOW LINCOLN WAS ABUSED
  HOW "FIGHTING JOE" WAS APPOINTED
  KEPT HIS COURAGE UP
  A FORTUNE-TELLER'S PREDICTION
  TOO MUCH POWDER
  SLEEP STANDING UP
  SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT ANOTHER BATTLE
  LINCOLN UPBRAIDED LAMON
  MARKED OUT A FEW WORDS
  LINCOLN SILENCES SEWARD
  BROUGHT THE HUSBAND UP
  NO WAR WITHOUT BLOOD-LETTING
  LINCOLN'S TWO DIFFICULTIES
  WHITE ELEPHANT ON HIS HANDS
  WHEN LINCOLN AND GRANT CLASHED
  WON JAMES GORDON BENNETT'S SUPPORT
  STOOD BY THE "SILENT MAN
  A VERY BRAINY NUBBIN
  SENT TO HIS "FRIENDS
  GO DOWN WITH COLORS FLYING
  ALL WERE TRAGEDIES
  MANAGER LINCOLN
  "HE'S THE BEST OF US
  HOW LINCOLN "COMPOSED
  HAMLIN MIGHT DO IT
  THE GUN SHOT BETTER
  LENIENT WITH
  DIDN'T WANT A MILITARY REPUTATION
  "SURRENDER NO SLAVE
  CONSCRIPTING DEAD MEN
  LINCOLN'S REJECTED MANUSCRIPT
  LINCOLN AS A STORY WRITER
  LINCOLN'S IDEAS ON CROSSING A RIVER WHEN HE GOT TO IT
  PRESIDENT NOMINATED FIRST
  "THEM GILLITEENS
  "CONSIDER THE SYMPATHY OF LINCOLN
  SAVED A LIFE
  LINCOLN PLAYED BALL
  HIS PASSES TO RICHMOND NOT HONORED
  "PUBLIC HANGMAN" FOR THE UNITED STATES
  FEW, BUT BOISTEROUS
  KEEP PEGGING AWAY
  BEWARE OF THE TAIL
  "LINCOLN'S DREAM
  THERE WAS NO NEED OF A STORY
  LINCOLN A MAN OF SIMPLE HABITS
  HIS LAST SPEECH
  FORGOT EVERYTHING HE KNEW BEFORE
  LINCOLN BELIEVED IN EDUCATION
  LINCOLN ON THE DRED SCOTT DECISION
  LINCOLN MADE MANY NOTABLE SPEECHES
  WHAT AILED THE BOYS
  TAD'S CONFEDERATE FLAG
  CALLED BLESSINGS ON THE AMERICAN WOMEN
  LINCOLN'S "ORDER NO. 252
  MR. LINCOLN
  TALKED TO THE NEGROES OF RICHMOND
  "ABE" ADDED A SAVING CLAUSE
  HOW "JACK" WAS "DONE UP
  ANGELS COULDN'T SWEAR IT RIGHT
  "MUST GO, AND GO TO STAY
  LINCOLN WASN'T BUYING NOMINATIONS
  HE ENVIED THE SOLDIER AT THE FRONT
  DON'T TRUST TOO
  HE'D "RISK THE DICTATORSHIP
  "MAJOR GENERAL, I RECKON
  WOULD SEE THE TRACKS
  "ABE" GAVE HER A "SURE TIP
  THE PRESIDENT HAD KNOWLEDGE OF HIM
  ONLY HALF A MAN
  GRANT CONGRATULATED LINCOLN
  "BRUTUS AND CAESAR
  CAESAR: "I
  HOW STANTON GOT INTO THE CABINET
  "ABE" LIKE HIS FATHER
  "NO MOON AT ALL
  "ABE" A SUPERB MIMIC
  WHY HE WAS CALLED "HONEST ABE
  "ABE'S" NAME REMAINED ON THE SIGN
  VERY HOMELY AT FIRST SIGHT
  THE MAN TO TRUST
  "WUZ GOIN' TER BE 'HITCHED
  HE PROPOSED TO SAVE THE UNION
  THE SAME OLD RUM
  SAVED LINCOLN'S
  WOULD NOT RECALL A SINGLE WORD
  OLD BROOM BEST AFTER ALL
  GOD WITH A LITTLE
  "ABE'S" LOG
  IT WAS A FINE FIZZLE
  A TEETOTALER
  NOT TO "OPEN SHOP" THERE
  WE HAVE LIBERTY OF ALL KINDS
  TOM CORWINS'S LATEST STORY
  "CATCH 'EM AND CHEAT 'EM
  A JURYMAN'S SCORN
  HE "BROKE" TO WIN
  WANTED HER CHILDREN BACK
  SIX FEET FOUR AT SEVENTEEN
  HAD RESPECT FOR THE EGGS
  HOW WAS THE MILK
  "PULLED FODDER" FOR A BOOK
  PRAISES HIS RIVAL FOR OFFICE
  ONE THING "ABE" DIDN'T LOVE
  THE MODESTY OF GENIUS
  WHY SHE MARRIED HIM
  NIAGARA FALLS
  MADE IT HOT FOR LINCOLN
  WOULDN'T HOLD TITLE AGAINST HIM
  ONLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE
  COULDN'T LOCATE HIS BIRTHPLACE
  "A. LINCOLN
  "SAMBO" WAS "AFEARED
  UNCLE ABE
  WHEN MONEY MIGHT BE USED
  "ABE" WAS NO BEAUTY
  "HE'S JUST BEAUTIFUL
  BIG ENOUGH HOG FOR HIM
  "ABE" OFFERS A SPEECH FOR SOMETHING TO EAT
  THEY UNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER
  FEW FENCE RAILS LEFT
  THE "GREAT SNOW" OF 1830-31
  CREDITOR PAID DEBTORS DEBT
  HELPED OUT THE SOLDIERS
  EVERY FELLOW FOR HIMSELF
  "BUTCHER-KNIFE BOYS" AT THE POLLS
  NO "SECOND COMING" FOR SPRINGFIELD
  HOW HE WON A FRIEND
  NEVER SUED A CLIENT
  THE LINCOLN HOUSEHOLD GOODS
  RUNNING THE MACHINE
  WAS "BOSS" WHEN NECESSARY
  "RATHER STARVE THAN SWINDLE
  DON'T AIM TOO HIGH
  NOT MUCH AT RAIL-SPLITTING
  GAVE THE SOLDIER THE PREFERENCE
  THE PRESIDENT WAS NOT SCARED
  JEFF. DAVIS' REPLY TO LINCOLN
  LINCOLN WAS
  HIS POOR RELATIONS
  DESERTER'S SINS WASHED OUT IN BLOOD
  SURE CURE FOR BOILS
  PAY FOR EVERYTHING
  BASHFUL WITH LADIES
  SAW HUMOR IN EVERYTHING
  SPECIFIC FOR FOREIGN "RASH
  FAVORED THE OTHER SIDE
  LINCOLN AND THE
  "MIXING" AND "MINGLING
  TOOK PART OF THE BLAME
  THOUGHT OF LEARNING A TRADE
  LINCOLN DEFENDS FIFTEEN MRS. NATIONS
  AVOIDED EVEN APPEARANCE OF
  WAR DIDN'T ADMIT OF HOLIDAYS
  "NEUTRALITY
  MRS. NORTH.
  DAYS OF GLADNESS PAST
  WOULDN'T TAKE THE MONEY
  GRANT HELD ON ALL THE TIME
  CHEWED THE CUD IN SOLITUDE
  "ABE'S" YANKEE INGENUITY
  LINCOLN PAID HOMAGE TO WASHINGTON
  STIRRED EVEN THE REPORTERS
  WHEN "ABE" CAME IN
  ETERNAL FIDELITY TO THE CAUSE OF LIBERTY
  "ABE'S" "DEFALCATIONS
  HE WASN'T GUILELESS
  SWEET, BUT MILD REVENGE
  DIDN'T TRUST THE COURT
  HANDSOMEST MAN ON EARTH
  THAT COON CAME DOWN
  WROTE "PIECES" WHEN VERY YOUNG
  "TRY TO STEER HER THROUGH
  GRAND, GLOOMY AND PECULIAR
  ON THE WAY TO GETTYSBURG
  STOOD UP THE LONGEST
  A MORTIFYING EXPERIENCE
  NO HALFWAY BUSINESS
  DISCOURAGED LITIGATION
  GOING HOME TO GET READY
  "THE 'RAIL-SPUTTER' REPAIRING THE UNION
  "FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES
  ROUGH ON THE NEGRO
  CHALLENGED ALL COMERS
  "GOVERNMENT RESTS IN PUBLIC OPINION
  HURRY MIGHT MAKE TROUBLE
  ATTORNEY LINCOLN
  SAW HIMSELF DEAD
  EVERY LITTLE HELPED
  ABOUT TO LAY DOWN THE BURDEN
  LINCOLN WOULD HAVE PREFERRED DEATH
  "PUNCH" AND HIS LITTLE PICTURE
  FASCINATED
  "WHY DON'T THEY
  GRANT'S BRAND OF WHISKEY
  HIS FINANCIAL STANDING
  THE DANDY AND THE BOYS
  "SOME UGLY OLD LAWYER
  GOOD MEMORY OF NAMES
  SETTLED OUT OF COURT
  THE FIVE POINTS SUNDAY SCHOOL
  SENTINEL OBEYED ORDERS
  WHY LINCOLN GROWED WHISKERS
  LINCOLN AS A DANCER
  SIMPLY PRACTICAL HUMANITY
  HAPPY FIGURES OF SPEECH
  A FEW "RHYTHMIC SHOTS
  OLD MAN GLENN'S RELIGION
  LAST ACTS OF MERCY
  JUST LIKE SEWARD
  A CHEERFUL PROSPECT
  THOUGHT GOD WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM
  LINCOLN AND A BIBLE HERO
  BOY WAS CARED FOR
  THE JURY ACQUITTED
  TOOK NOTHING BUT MONEY
  NAUGHTY BOY HAD TO TAKE HIS MEDICINE
  MAMMY LINCOLN
  WOULD BLOW THEM TO H
  "YANKEE" GOODNESS OF HEART
  WALKED AS HE TALKED
  THE SONG DID THE BUSINESS
  A "FREE FOR ALL
  THREE INFERNAL BORES
  LINCOLN'S MEN WERE "HUSTLERS
  A SLOW HORSE
  DODGING "BROWSING PRESIDENTS
  A GREENBACK LEGEND
  GOD'S BEST GIFT TO MAN
  SCALPING IN THE BLACK HAWK WAR
  MATRIMONIAL ADVICE
  OWED LOTS OF MONEY
  "ON THE LORD'S SIDE
  WANTED TO BE NEAR "ABE
  GOT HIS FOOT IN IT
  SAVED BY A LETTER
  "A. LINCOLN
  HIS FAVORITE POEM
  FIVE-LEGGED CALF
  A STAGE-COACH STORY
  THE "400" GATHERED THERE
  ONLY LEVEL-HEADED MEN WANTED
  HIS FAITH IN THE MONITOR
  HER ONLY IMPERFECTION
  THE OLD LADY'S PROPHECY
  HOW THE TOWN OF LINCOLN, ILL., WAS NAMED
  "OLD JEFF'S" BIG NIGHTMARE
  LINCOLN'S LAST OFFICIAL ACT
  THE LAD NEEDED THE SLEEP
  "MASSA LINKUM LIKE DE
  HOW LINCOLN TOOK THE NEWS
  PROFANITY AS A SAFETY-VALVE
  WHY WE WON AT GETTYSBURG
  HAD TO WAIT FOR HIM
  PRESIDENT AND CABINET JOINED IN PRAYER
  BELIEVED HE WAS A CHRISTIAN
  WITH THE HELP OF GOD
  TURNED TEARS TO SMILES
  LINCOLN'S LAST WRITTEN WORDS
  WOMEN PLEAD FOR PARDONS
  LINCOLN WISHED TO SEE RICHMOND
  SPOKEN LIKE A CHRISTIAN
  "LINCOLN GOES IN WHEN THE QUAKERS ARE
  HAD CONFIDENCE IN HIM--"BUT
  HOW HOMINY WAS ORIGINATED
  HIS IDEA'S OLD, AFTER ALL
  LINCOLN'S FIRST SPEECH
  "ABE WANTED NO SNEAKIN' 'ROUND
  DIDN'T EVEN NEED STILTS
  "HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF THIS
  "TAD" INTRODUCES "OUR FRIENDS
  MIXED UP WORSE THAN BEFORE
  "LONG ABE'S" FEET "PROTRUDED OVER
  COULD LICK ANY MAN IN THE CROWD
  HIS WAY TO A CHILD'S HEART
  "LEFT IT THE WOMEN TO HOWL ABOUT ME
  HE'D RUIN ALL THE OTHER CONVICTS
  IN A HOPELESS MINORITY
  "DID YE ASK MORRISSEY
  GOT THE LAUGH ON DOUGLAS
  "FIXED UP" A BIT FOR THE "CITY FOLKS
  EVEN REBELS OUGHT TO BE SAVED
  TRIED TO DO WHAT SEEMED BEST
  "HOLDING A CANDLE TO THE CZAR
  NASHVILLE WAS NOT SURRENDERED
  HE COULDN'T WAIT FOR THE COLONEL
  LINCOLN PRONOUNCED THIS STORY FUNNY
  JOKE WAS ON LINCOLN
  THE OTHER ONE WAS WORSE
  "I'D A BEEN MISSED BY MYSE'F
  IT ALL "DEPENDED" UPON THE EFFECT
  TOO SWIFT TO STAY IN THE ARMY
  ADMIRED THE STRONG MAN
  WISHED THE ARMY CHARGED LIKE THAT
  "UNCLE ABRAHAM" HAD EVERYTHING READY
  NOT AS SMOOTH AS HE LOOKED
  A SMALL CROP
  "NEVER REGRET WHAT YOU DON'T WRITE
  A VAIN GENERAL
  DEATH BED REPENTANCE
  NO CAUSE FOR PRIDE
  THE STORY OF LINCOLN'S
  A YOUTHFUL POET
  MADE SPEECHES WHEN A BOY
  ASSISTANT PILOT ON A STEAMBOAT
  "CAPTAIN LINCOLN" PLEASED HIM
  FAILURE AS A BUSINESS MAN
  GAINS FAME AS A STORY TELLER
  SURVEYOR WITH NO STRINGS ON HIM
  A MEMBER OF THE LEGISLATURE
  "A. LINCOLN
  THE FAMOUS "LONG NINE
  BEGINS TO OPPOSE SLAVERY
  BEGINS TO PRACTICE LAW
  HIS FIRST JOINT DEBATE
  MARRIES A SPRINGFIELD BELLE
  STORY OF ANNE RUTLEDGE
  HIS DUEL WITH SHIELDS
  FORMS NEW PARTNERSHIP
  DEFEATS PETER CARTWRIGHT FOR CONGRESS
  MAKES SPEECHES FOR "OLD ZACH
  DECLINES A HIGH OFFICE
  LINCOLN AS A LAWYER
  TELLING STORIES ON THE CIRCUIT
  THE LION IS AROUSED TO ACTION
  SEEKS A SEAT IN THE SENATE
  HELPS TO ORGANIZE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
  THE RAIL-SPLITTER
  WERE LIKE CROWDS AT A CIRCUS
  HIS BUCKEYE CAMPAIGN
  FIRST VISIT TO NEW YORK
  FIRST NOMINATION FOR PRESIDENT
  FORMATION OF THE SOUTHERN CONFEDERACY
  GOOD-BYE TO THE OLD FOLK
  THE "SECRET PASSAGE" TO WASHINGTON
  HIS ELOQUENT INAUGURAL ADDRESS
  FOLLOWS PRECEDENT OF WASHINGTON
  GREATER DIPLOMAT THAN SEWARD
  LINCOLN A GREAT GENERAL
  ABSOLUTE CONFIDENCE IN GRANT
  REASONS FOR FREEING THE SLAVES
  HARD TO REFUSE PARDONS
  A FUN-LOVING AND HUMOR-LOVING MAN
  WARNINGS OF HIS TRAGIC DEATH
  LINCOLN AT THE THEATRE
  LAMON'S REMARKABLE REQUEST
  HOW LINCOLN WAS MURDERED
  BOOTH BRANDISHES HIS DAGGER AND ESCAPES
  WALT WHITMAN'S DESCRIPTION
  REWARD OFFERED BY SECRETARY STANTON.
  EDWIN M. STANTON,
  BOOTH FOUND IN A BARN
  BOOTH SHOT BY "BOSTON" CORBETT
  FATE OF THE CONSPIRATORS
  HENRY WARD BEECHER'S EULOGY
  ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S FAMILY
  LINCOLN MONUMENT AT SPRINGFIELD

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